Below is a letter my girlfriend received a few days ago.
(click on picture to enlarge)
Generally, the letter possesses most of the 7Cs in writing as well as the principles of business correspondence. Firstly, the writer began by thanking the recipient for using their services. The tone was objective, formal and non-controversial. In addition, the letter was reader-friendly - the main ideas were stated clearly in bulleted points. The writer also used very simple language which was clear, concise and without errors. By providing adequate information and contact numbers the writer also achieved the last C - Completeness. In short, the writer had written a coherent and cohesive letter.
In writing a 'Bad News Message', one needs to be tactful in the tone and language used. The writer had certainly tried his/her best in doing so. For instance, in point 4, " We request you to settle these immediately so that your borrowing privileges will not be disrupted on 1 April 2009." I wouldn't know how much further one can improve on this sentence to make it sound more polite.
On the other hand, there are some areas for improvement. One, the salutation should be personalized, i.e. the recipient's name. This is because addressing the recipient by name shows sincerity. (However, this is a free service. So I guess this is why NLB doesn't bother so much.) Two, as mentioned previously, the language used was objective. However, by underlining and writing the words in bold (seen in point 3) is tantamount to writing thousands of exclamation marks for that phrase. One may regard it as being assertive but it could be seen as a threat.
I'm not too sure if many of you would agree with me on my last point on the words in bold but feel free to make comments. =)
(click on picture to enlarge)
In writing a 'Bad News Message', one needs to be tactful in the tone and language used. The writer had certainly tried his/her best in doing so. For instance, in point 4, " We request you to settle these immediately so that your borrowing privileges will not be disrupted on 1 April 2009." I wouldn't know how much further one can improve on this sentence to make it sound more polite.
On the other hand, there are some areas for improvement. One, the salutation should be personalized, i.e. the recipient's name. This is because addressing the recipient by name shows sincerity. (However, this is a free service. So I guess this is why NLB doesn't bother so much.) Two, as mentioned previously, the language used was objective. However, by underlining and writing the words in bold (seen in point 3) is tantamount to writing thousands of exclamation marks for that phrase. One may regard it as being assertive but it could be seen as a threat.
I'm not too sure if many of you would agree with me on my last point on the words in bold but feel free to make comments. =)
Hi Mario,
ReplyDeleteYes! I agreed with you that the bold and underlined words fails on the courtesy part but it helped to enhance the clarity of the letter. It might be good if they can just underline the words. In general, appropriate tone and positive wordings are used as NLB encouraged the users to pay their fines by emphasizing on the disruption of borrowing privileges as a consequence. Furthermore, NLB makes the users feel valued despite their delay in paying fines in point 7, ‘We look forward to your continued visits to our libraries’ which is commendable.
This is indeed an interesting business letter to analyse. Thanks for sharing!
Cheers,
Jie Li
Hi Mario,
ReplyDeleteI actually have 3 of such letters lying on my desk..hehe…The opening and ending lines of these letters are very polite (point 1 and 7) .Though the bold words make it seem as though it’s a warning letter, I suppose they are trying to do us a favour by highlighting the changes in the policies in point 3 which might skip the eyes of some readers (the font of the words are quite small actually). The letter is coherent and cohesive as they introduced the changes in policies before moving on to the pending fines and then the contact details for assistance. Besides I agree with you that the write tackled the “ bad message” pretty well. Perhaps he could have started off by saying, ” We understand that in the midst of your busy schedule, you might have overlooked your fines. This is a gentle reminder….” before jumping into the details of the fines.
Cheers,
Rathi
Hi Mario,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that the letter posseses most of the 7Cs, for the same reasons you described above.
As for the bolding of several words in the letter I felt it was fine because most of the time, readers tend to skim through the letter's content, hence the bolding helped to highlight the important points. However, I agree that bolding on top of underlining is rather tantamount to shouting.
Regards,
Nicholas
Hi Mario,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this letter here. I agree that it meets the 7Cs criteria.
The letter means to be informative. Hence the tone is objective and formal and the letter is presented in bullet points as you pointed out.
Regarding the appropriateness of underlining and bolding the words ‘until all library fines …’, I think it is fine since that is not the only phrase or word underlined or bolded. Apparently the letter is too long that most readers will probably not go through the whole letter completely; the author probably means to be reader-friendly and make sure the reader not miss any important information even in a brief browse.
Good effort in your analysis in the sense that you covered all the main features of the letter!
Cheers,
June